Synopsis: In this practical, playful, yet spiritual guide, Charlotte Kasl, author of the highly successful Finding Joy: 101 Ways to Free Your Spirit and Dance with Life, shows you what it would be like to have the ancient wisdom of the Buddha to guide you through the dating process. Kasl brings a compassionate understanding to the anxiety and uneasiness of new love, and helps readers discover their potential for vibrant human connection based on awareness, kindness, and honesty. She approaches the dating process as a means for awakening, reminding us that when we live by spiritual rules, we bring curiosity and a light heart to the romantic journey. Filled with quotations from Zen, Sufi, and other wisdom traditions, and informed by the experiences of people from all walks of life, here is a relationship book that will appeal to readers looking for more than a Venus-meets-Mars solution to the complex affairs of the heart.
Review: If the Budda Dated is a self-help book about relationships. I know some people really love the things Charlotte brings up, but I had a problem with how incredibly outdated this work is. I didn't realize it until she used Chaz Bono's dead name in the text. I thought that was incredibly rude because I remember Chaz coming out as trans when I was a kid. Then I realized this was published in 1999 and Chaz transitioned in the 2000's. That showed me how old this work is. On top of that, Charlotte has a very limited view of relationships. She focused on partnerships between males and females. I don't know if this was intentional or if, because she's a therapist, she is just used to having patients in a male/female partnership, but it felt limiting. Even when she did try to expand her reach to people in the LGBT+ community, she mostly just talked about gay, lesbian, and bi people. She also completely neglected the possibility of polyamory and focused on partnerships between two people. Again, this could be because of how dated the book is.
More than anything, I hoped Charlotte would have talked more about the split between romantic attraction and sexual attraction, and how building a relationship with other people is different depending on how you feel. I'm also not in any kind of relationship, and there were some moments where I could adapt what Charlotte was saying into friendships, but not much. Maybe I would have gotten more out of this if I was in a relationship? Aside from the things Charlotte left out, I just didn't necessarily agree with much of what she was saying. Largely when she was talking about how a person doesn't have to dismantle their ego. Maybe it's just because I've been hurt by people who thought too much of themselves, but seeing people with a high ego turns me off to them. Internet friends are pretty immune because my interactions with them are fairly limited but, if I'm interacting with you regularly, I don't want to talk to someone with a high ego. She also went on this whole thing about reaching out to people who hurt you and, if they don't respond, reach out again and see if they're willing to talk about it, etc. I don't do that. I used to, but I've learned that I will always feel like I am the problem and I am the thing people want to avoid, so I don't want to prolong the hurt. Having just dealt with something similar, it's easier for someone like me to cut others off. That might sound isolating, but I'm tired of being screwed over.
I'm not going to rate this because I don't feel comfortable rating books that are meant to help people. I didn't get anything from If the Budda Dated, but it might be worth looking into if you want a short book about relationships.
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